News and views from the heart of England - Issue 2    © David Smith 2018

The latest diet

Dr V. Thin, a renowned dietary consultant at Plugborough Hospital, has published plans for the introduction of a revolutionary weight loss diet to be followed, in a voluntary trial, by patients at the hospital. Dr Thin said, in an interview with this paper, “We’ve tried low fat diets, low carbohydrate diets, toxin-loss diets, and none of them have really worked. People rarely succeed in reducing weight over the long term. They are more interested in eating snacks in front of the TV.” Dr Thin went on to describe new research, carried out in Europe and North America, that found that golf was considered the most boring sport to watch, closely followed by American Football. He also mentioned different research that found recently that people who slept longer lost weight, perhaps because they had less time to eat fattening foods. Dr Thin’s new diet is based on an arduous regime of lying in bed to watch golf on television. “This is a very exciting development,” said Dr Thin. “We’ve seen from our own studies that the ‘eat less, move more’ lifestyle choice is very tiresome for overweight people. What we are proposing is a good dose of boredom and idleness.”